This month we tried out having three kids with chickenpox. Couple that with my wife having lyme disease which has led to the symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis and, to say the least, it’s been challenging times. To the point where I managed to talk my way out of writing a coaching letter this month.
But it’s not about never losing ones way. It’s about getting back on it as soon as you can. So, get out for a walk, run och gym session after the ”involuntary” couch potato period. Have a fresh salad or a healthy snack if the reasons for fast food seemed irresistible yesterday. Call or see some clients the day after you were too down to bear seeing anybody.
Because both losing ones spirit and finding it again is so very human. However, we are all made of the essence of hope and are naturally great at bouncing back as soon as our mood lifts. Restarting after a tough period as a new day comes to us with the hope of a better tomorrow. A touch of that is what I hope you find in this month’s letter…
Your Life is a Masterpiece, discover it!
Quote of the month
" There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. "
- William Shakespeare
Do you want to go to heaven?
What would be heaven for you? I don’t mean that in the sense of what you think will happen when we die, but rather as a description of the life we are currently having. Naturally, I understand that this might not be the easiest of starts to a coaching letter, but please take a moment to reflect on it. What would your life look like if it was your personal heaven? No, don’t read on just yet. Really take a moment a do this…
My guess is that you came up with things like having someone to love, eating your favourite food, sharing time with friends and loved ones, financial freedom, amazing health and energy, travelling to see all that our amazing planet has to offer, making a positive difference for people etc. Now, I mention these examples having met thousands of people and heard what their dreams are, so there is a pretty good chance you came up with similar things.
Regardless of what you did have on your heavenly list the logical question is: If we could fix all this for you and then hold it constant for you would that mean that you were always happy? That your day to day feelings you think this list would lead to would also be constant? That if the world was cooperating to keep the weather, economy, relationships and everything else top notch your mood would finally always be top notch too?
Now, judging from the people that I’ve met all over the world an honest answer to this would be a resounding YES!. A deeply held idea about the world that wells up as someone relaxing at a pool in a warm climate lets out a sigh and says: This is what life is all about… As if our feelings were a direct reflection of how we are currently doing or what is going in our lives.
Getting to the truth takes more than scratching the surface on the apparent obvious. Because I promise that no matter how constant we could keep your circumstances your feelings would change regardless. That means that while it’s true that it is a lot smoother to drive on a freeway than on a bumpy cattle track and much more effective to communicate via a smartphone than using smoke signals – it has nothing to do with how good or bad we feel.
No matter how self-evident or contra intuitive that might seem on a intellectual level when when we take look around us, there is a fair ways before it is grounded on a deeper level. We see the glittering eyes of someone in the middle of the Calcutta ghetto and compare it to the dead look in the eyes of a successful stock trader on wall street. Still, we think that if we just had a piece of our personal heaven we fall pray to be anything but happy. Famous people going in and out of rehab when they have ”everything” are obviously facing psychological short comings. We would not be like that if we were in their shoes, right?
All that reasoning is due to the innocent misunderstanding that our feelings can come from something on the outside. Or at least be influenced by people, situations, circumstances and other things (”it” makes me stressed). Without clearing up that misunderstanding we are doomed to repeat our mistakes, stay in the same rat race and think that we can compensate the wrong direction with an increase in speed.
This is the reason that I am so grateful that I, back in 2009, came in contact with the principel and the understanding that we live in the experience and feeling of our thinking moment to moment. No exceptions. That’s why the only time we run into emotional problems is when we mistakingly think that our feelings are coming from something other than our thinking.
If reading and contemplating this strikes a cord within you it’s probably because you understand that this is not personal development 2.0. It is totally new direction of looking at how we as human beings actually create our experience of the world that that turns everything we thought we knew about our psychology up-side down.
What’s needed in this new paradigm is not positive thinking and a ”how to manual”. All you need is a better understanding of what is actually going on. That there is a formless, infinite space behind our personal thinking where all you ever wanted resides. That it is available the instant you see through the emotional bluff of your personal thinking.
Then, instead of courage you have informed fearlessness. Discipline is replaced by inspired action. You’re in heaven right here and now, independent of your external circumstances because it’s not a place, it’s a state of understanding. And, as with all things, as you understand better you naturally do better…
The Book of Joy
av Dalai Lama & Desmond Tutu
Like most things it’s always good to check the source, and if you want to take advice about joy the first criteria is that the teachers exudes it. Now, whatever you think of spiritual leaders in general, these two in particular fill that first criteria. The book is a glowing statement to this and and a joy to read. Insights will abound, especially if you realize that nobody is a more trustworthy expert on you than yourself.
You can find more books under Suggested Reading
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As an integral part of living my vision "to inspire, educate and make a difference in enough peoples private and professional lives to make a positive difference in the world", I write and distribute a free monthly coaching letter. In these I share various ideas, thoughts and insights that I think can be of value for all of you who are interested in getting the absolute best out of life.Read more